1.No matter where you go in the world you will find another goan named D'Costa, D'Mello, D'Souza, Fernandes, Monteiro or Rodrigues.
2.You have six middle names, most of which you can't pronounce.
3.You have annoying nicknames like Petus, Babush (or Busha), Bostiao, Forsulo or Popat!
4.You are really confused if you are Portuguese.....heaven forbid anyone says Indian!
5.You call everybody who is brown and not goan "bintkar" and make fun of them in konkani.
6.You interject "what", "man", and "re"(ray) in every line of your
conversation. 7.You show you are
listening to the conversation by saying "really?!"or "you don't say".
8.You call an older person you've never met before "uncle" or "auntie".
9.Everyone is a family friend.
10.One club is not enough to cater to 10 goans.
11.Your family is fighting over property they inherited from someone else.
12.Your mother has a minor disagreement with her sister and doesn't talk with her for 10 years.
13.You think you can sing.
14.You make tea in a saucepan.
15.You eat onions with everything.
16.You get excited when "king fish" is mentioned.
17.You eat last night's curry the next morning.
18.You call mangoes by Portuguese names.
19.You see pictures of the Caribbean and you say "it's just like Goa"
20.You get very upset when the airlines refuse to accept your luggage which is 40 kgs overweight.
21.You go back to Goa and people treat you like a member of the royal family.
22.You are comfortable going back for a holiday in May just to sample the mangoes, jackfruits, cantans, bibes, bibics, the miscut and Feni.
23.You wash your butt quickly and leave when you hear the pig grunting (or else).

YOU ARE A MANGY IF.......
1) You desperately try to pass off as a Goan unless you are in the majority.
2) Sunday morning breakfast has to be "neer dosa"
3) Konkani is never spoken, always sung.
4) You're always looking to marry a Goan or an East Indian.
5) Every other Mangy is a far off relation.
6) You're falling over each other to get sausages from Goa.
7) Your passion is gold and money and you know nothing about football, hockey or cricket.
8) Your favourite holiday destination is Goa.
9) You buy the smallest shrimps in the market, cook it with okra (bhendi), and call it a delicacy.
10)Goans sent their sausages and feni all over the world, you only sent your "tiles" to Goa.
11)Your brother-in-law is called "Bhaoji".
12)A festival is incomplete without "sannas".
13)You wear high-heels to a dance and then go bare foot on to the dance floor because it is more comfortable.
14)Every sentence must start with a "kaale gi" and end with a "oui gi"
15)You must speak English in public, even if it is 14 carat.
16)You invite family to visit you in Dubai and give them long lists of things you need from India.And the list goes on and on......

YOU KNOW YOU ARE AN EAST INDIAN (EI) WHEN .....
1. Anywhere you go surnames like Fernandez, Pereira, Gomez, Correa, Creado, D'lima.
2. You have Lonvas curry at least once a week. Bottle masala is used in at least two dishes a week and of course your family has the best BM recipe.
3.You always serve salt tounge with mashed potatoes and peas at a party.Oh and the bloaters !! The only liquerus you tasted before you left India was "Kimad". And you must not share your recipes with anyone.
4. Every second sentence is interjected with "my gosh we certainly don't do that".
5.Your Grandfather owned half of Bandra at some stage and wore a purple sash at funerals.
6.Your mum is a member of the ladies sodality and has a favourite padre.
7. No one makes better milkcream or marzipan than your mum.
8. East Indian sorpotel is superior to Goan Sorpotel 9. An occasion is incomplete without "Phoogyas"
10.Your aunts start knitting in summer for the Andrean fair in Winter (when it is also 30 C).
11.You wonder why others don't say "dis" for this and "dat" for that!!
12. As a kid you were forcibly taken to the Bandra gym for Xmas parties.
13.You have pachunda and guzz and fukni as an antique in your livingroom!!!!!

...........Contributed by Lavinia